everything in its right place / 9:32 am

The last few days have been full of ups and downs. I need to ride the wave, as Boaz has said. School is beginning to stress me out. I had high hopes that this quarter would be somewhat easier and it is in certain ways, but that doesn't mean it's actually easy... just better, which is something after all. Last quarter was happier because I was with Adam but the school part stressed me out more. Now I'm caught up with missing Adam, dealing with school, and getting too wrapped up in the future, rather than thinking in the present.

Today is my first dictation test and I know I am not going to do well. I'm not being negative; I'm simply accepting that it will not be the best test I've ever taken... and that's okay. It still stresses me out though and, essentially, it is what has been making me sad all week. I've been dreading it but it will be over with in a few hours and then I can move on.

Radiohead's "Everything In Its Right Place" came on my pandora station today and I realized it's been a long time since I've listened to them. The song really pertained to the way I've felt lately: "Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon... there are two colors in my head.... everything, everything in its right place." I've gone from being very bitter about school to battling two different feelings of hope and hopelessness, but pretty soon everything will clear up again. Everything that is happening is supposed to be happening, and I really do believe that. It's just hard to constantly keep this in mind.

This photo is of the magnolia tree that grows right outside my window at home. It is a symbol of hope, of childhood, of growth for me. It makes me both happy and sad... happy for memories and sad for missing out on its blooming. Since I've been at college, I haven't really been able to enjoy seeing the flowers bud and bloom.