big and small / 12:33 am

I need a change--a fast, a cleanse, an awakening. I feel tired and worn, and all of my words fall upon deaf ears, as the saying goes. There is never enough time and, when there is time, I waste it. There are so many things I want and need to say and do, prayers all of them... so many prayers, big and small.

When I was a little girl, I would think of dinosaurs and outer space. History and bones and births and the possibility of life undiscovered. These thoughts overwhelmed and excited me, but I couldn't think of them for long periods of time. I felt as though my mind would spin out of control after some minutes had passed. I still think about these things, but less frequently.

I make promises to myself and I break the promises too often. A healthier body, a clean room (to help gain a clearer mind), a good night's sleep, more time to think and create and read and play music for my own sake. I catch myself trying to fit more time in the day than actually exists. I set my alarm clock too early and my dream self curses. I go to bed too late and my dream self tries to be patient. Dreams have been important to me lately... flowers from my bellybutton, the picnic, the waves, brick streets, a song, skin, horses and hair and warm breath, a pool, the swimming and swimming and swimming... they have been good to me.

I know that I am confused about many things. I know that I will always hunger for answers and connections and something nameless. It is okay and necessary and, more than anything, I am grateful.

wild cat blues / 12:58 am

For Leslie... my wild cat. You are the cat's meow, not to mention the cat's pajamas. Enjoy 120 seconds of cats! 

Music: "Wild Cat Blues" by Clarence Williams Blue Five featuring Sidney Bechet

not to see / 11:22 am

How does it feel when life doesn't seem real
And you're floating about on your own?
Your life's uncertain, so you draw the curtain
Pretending there's nobody home
Don't theorize, look in your eyes
They can't tell lies, though you may disguise what you see
The mirror is free


We once had a savior, but by our behavior
The one that was worth it is gone
Songbirds are talking and runners are walking
A prodigal son's coming home
Don't theorize, look in his eyes
They won't tell lies, but if he defies what you see
He'll give you a key


Be yourself, be yourself
Be yourself, be yourself


We needed a tutor, so we built a computer
And programmed ourselves not to see
The truth and the lyin', the dead and the dyin'
The silent majority
Don't theorize, look in their eyes
Are they telling lies, the ones that they learn on tv?
What a way to be free


Be yourself, be yourself
Be yourself, be yourself